Are you socially competent?

What is social competency?  Well it is the ability to understand, act, and respond to our very complex social world.  Now I know you are saying "complex social world?" We just have to speak to each other, what's the big deal?  Social communication is complex.  It comprises body language, words, and tone of voice (the basics). In addition it includes context and culture. Stir in some emotions and viola you have a complex social interaction. Social interactions are dynamic and ever changing, the more practice a child gets when younger the better.  Everything you do and say become part of your child's social abilities or competencies.

When your child is in school there are social interactions happening all the time, from the bus driver, lunch ladies, office staff, the student body, and their teacher(s) they are in constant communication! They learn to be respectful, to say please and thank you, look at people when they speak, and to take turns speaking. They are learning the very basics of social interaction.  To give you an example how complex it is think of what goes into a conversation:

1.  Joint Attention  usually eye contact and whole body listening (shoulders, hands, feet, facing the other person(s).

2. Greeting (age appropriate)

3. Small talk (no special interest – short couple of statements)

4. Initiate the topic (plus pause so others can respond)

5. Respond (turn taking) (4-5 times before topic change)

6.Topic Management

7. End conversation

This is just the minor mechanics of conversation it doesn't mention the social component of picking up on the emotional and social cues of what the other person is thinking or feeling.  Are our kids are picking up on those cues and practicing conversations?

So how do we teach our kids social competency in this fast moving, electronics driven world?  We talk to them, create conversations about what they are learning, instill curiosity about people and  the world around us, and help our kids have a strong emotions vocabulary.