The ‘Dream Team’ - what if?

Every student should have a “dream team”, adults and peers that they can count on for guidance, support, fun, and the proverbial mirror.  Most students probably feel, or know, that they have that and they may even know how to use it. But for children with disabilities or learning differences they may not know who, what, or how to use their “dream team”. For a student with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) or any student with an IEP, their dream team is automatically built in as part of their IEP. However most students don’t know that till they are older and many may not know how to use it. Additionally the schools may not view themselves as the “dream team” of support for the student. What if we started students in middle school to think of ‘their’ team as ‘THEIR’ team? What if we clued the team into what we are doing so that we created a cohesive group of adults and maybe peers that understand ASD (& other learning differences), the individual student, the family, and the community? What if that team met regularly to discuss, anticipate, and plan for events in this student’s school career? I think the “What if” needs to become a ‘when’ - and a plan.

In a graduate class my class discussed the idea of insider and outsider status. Insider status is being part of a social network. “The notion that social networks provide important buffers against stress and depression has become a truism of psychology. Simply put, friends and other helpful individuals such as therapists and caring teachers serve as important sources of validation, empathy, and reflection, as problem solvers, coaches and models of new behaviors.” (Baker & Welkowitz p.177) Having a dream team can facilitate change, friendship, and a social network. This will, perhaps, transform a student’s school and life experience. First we need to start with the IEP team, an already established ‘dream team”.  The IEP teams I work with are highly dedicated and knowledgeable individuals ranging from special educators, speech pathologist, occupational therapists,  school counselors, para-professionals, administrators, teachers and parents. But are we a high performing team that practices, runs through plays, knows our strengths and weaknesses? I think this is an area where we could use some work.

First we need to think of ourselves as a “dream team” and categorize what that means. We need the team to look beyond the academic needs of the student, we need to look at the knowledge base of the staff, we need to look at the class structure both for academic structure and peer mix, we may even need to look at the class and provide more education on the acceptance of differences. When these things are in place we need to meet on a regular basis and continually shape our plan. Regular meetings would allow for flexibility to meet the needs of the student and the teachers who may be experiencing their own difficulties in relating and teaching the student. Meetings not only provide an opportunity to review the progress of the student, they provide an opening to discuss the “roadblocks to promoting new social behaviors and plan for the ‘next step’ in their program.” (Baker & Welkowitz p.176)

As a student in our class stated “there are other people out there and they are not just annoyances”. One of our team ‘roadblocks’ may be in understanding the  student – from the  student’s perspective.  Peers may “just be annoyances” to them. How do we change that? By introducing them to the inside and building up their knowledge base of peers. Connecting kids with groups gives social network and social community. Exposure to this ‘inside’ will be slow going but should be initiated and not ignored. Working with a students interests (gaming, math, animal facts) can be the foundation to building and creating an ‘insider’ perspective. Members of the dream team will be the coaching, cheering, and interpreting for the ASD/learning difference student at the same time they may need to be ‘promoting’ their player. For example telling the other students “Sammy Student knows a lot about animals, why don’t you ask him?” these interventions will help facilitate interactions that will build on the insider knowledge and eventually help the ASD/learning difference student gain ‘insider status”.

Dream teams are essential for the ASD student. Building on what is already in place, the IEP team, and creating a more open dialog around the student’s strengths and weaknesses and the team’s strengths and weaknesses will create a stronger more knowledgeable team. With that strength the team can then focus on the game plan for introducing a student to the ‘inside’ world of social networking, promote the student and explore the ‘game’ of the social world. I look forward to developing my ‘dream teams’ and ‘promoting’ the students I work with.

Got Feelings?

Of course you do!  But are you able to identify, manage, and recognize your feelings as well as the feelings of others? And if you say yes, which I hope you do, are you teaching and modeling these skills for your children?  It's very important that they learn to acknowledge and accept all of their feelings and understand the situations or events that triggered those feelings.

Why is it important to know your feelings?  Because accurately identifying your feelings  allows you to better work through them.  Self-awareness is a life skill that allows us to accurately asses our feelings, interests, strengths, and values; it leads to self-confidence.  That’s  a very powerful attribute for children and adults. 

I frequently work with kids who aren’t able to distinguish between frustration, anxiety,  jealousy, or irritation, to name a few.  Big feelings are often channeled directly into anger.  Anger is reactive, and can let off steam,  but not productive in solving or resolving the situations that caused the feeling.  Channeling an emotion into a reaction like anger does not provide understanding, control, or growth also known as self-management.  We all want control, to be in charge of ourselves and to learn from our experiences.  

Knowledge (self- awareness) = self-confidence 
Control (self-management) =overcoming obstacles, perseverance, and "grit"

When a child can identify they are jealous, sad, disappointed, nervous, insecure, and other difficult emotions, they have the power to communicate those strong feelings and discuss with either their parents or teacher.  The adults  then have an opportunity to help the child work through the situation, problem solve, and ultimately gain the skills to work through the situation.  This builds understanding, compassion, and perspective taking.  We want our children to build a good sense of self and strong understanding of others and how we fit in within the community of family, friends, and classmates.

Empower your child to identify and understand their feelings.  It is a vibrant, exciting, and colorful world!

Good night, sweet dreams!

The bed time reading ritual is a treasure!  Sitting on your child's bed snuggeled up, with just the night stand light on creates a wonderful atmosphere of comfort, warmth, and connection. Reading to your child at night gives you time to relax, be present, unwind, and relate to your child.  Share  your favorite stories from your childhood and discover new ones together. As a parent the fun comes from using different voices for the characters,  working on your inflection, and just immersing yourself in the moment. You are modeling for your child the joy of reading and all the fun and pleasure it brings.    I loved to read Dr. Suess's  Sleep Book  adding in the yawns, changing my speed, and even talking as if I were falling asleep. Of course anything Dr. Suess is  entertaining. From early political, think Sneetches and treating others different, to the Lorax and it's environmental message.  So many of Dr. Suess's books are wonderful early readers like Fox in Sox, The Foot book, and Green Eggs and Ham.  Take turns (you read one page your child reads one page) it is a fun way to help your child learn to read.

We read My Father's Dragon, and had an excellent adventure through three books! As my son got older I read to him from Rudyard Kipling's, The Just So Stories he loved the story of The Elephant Child, and I loved to read the words "oh Best Beloved" and "great, gray, green, greasy Lippopo River all set about with fever trees."  It just sort of rolls of your tongue, try it!

Keep reading through those upper grades too!  We read the Hobbit, (J.R.R Tolkien)  Night, by Elie Wiesel, and other stories that were required in middle school.  This was significant because reading out loud helps one remember details - perfect for schoolwork.  The added benefit is, as a parent, you know what your child is studing and have a very natural way to relate and connect to them about school.

Go to your local library, talk to the librarians, get their suggestions based on the interest of your child.  You will be modeling for your child working with a libraian  (self-advocacy),  create a community friend, and find out about programs taking place within your library, a win-win experience!  Reading with your child is an adventure - share and inspire the joy!

The original.

A wonderful adventure!

A wonderful set of stories, fun to read! 

Perfect bed time story.

This book will capture your interest with fabulous word play. 

Bored?

"You are too smart to be bored!"

That's what I told my son when he was young and what I tell my students now.  But I followup with things to do. One thing my family does is the Animal Alphabet game.  All kids love animals, and there is a natural curiosity surrounding the animal world. So playing a word game that includes a high interest, such as animals, is a fun, non-boring way to play together.   Start with a group of people: family, friends, those you are in the car with, etc.  One person starts by naming an animal that begins with the letter A, for example: alligator. The next person states another animal/living creature that starts with A - armadillo. This goes on till your group is empty of "A" animals.  Move on to 'B' and so on.  If you have an aquarium you will know fish: angel fish, neon tetra, goldfish, beta or Siamese fighting fish. The sky, ocean, and land are your only limits.  This continues through the alphabet.  The great thing about this game is it is an all age game. It challenges one to think of what they know, creates teamwork as you help others come up with animals, and it is a great way to relate and have fun with the family. Grandparents are great at this, and they are always looking for ways to relate to their grandkids.   Grandparents can be particularly good at this game as they often have a familiarity with less popularly known birds, dog breeds, or other animals.
Dinosaurs are great, but make sure the type of dinosaur is used, e.x. "brontosaurus," not "dinosaur." Having your children use the proper name ("brontosaurus" rather than "dinosaur" or "Dalmatian" rather than "dog") helps work the memory and is more challenging. And let's face it your kids probably know the names of all sorts of animals and dinosaurs that you can't remember.  We have used all living creatures, we even allowed E. coli for an answer.   Think of using this game when you are waiting at a restaurant, driving in the car, or waiting in the doctor's office.  Several books that will help get you and your family started are: Animalia and My Grandmother lives in Goligulch  by Graeme Base; Animals Born Alive and Well, by Ruth Heller. Or try National Geographic Encyclopedia of Animals, By Karen McGhee.  What ever your resource have fun!

Check out Mr. Base's fun website!



Now how about some Geography?

Geography game is similar to animal alphabet, you need a group of 2 or more players. One person starts with any place (your group decides if streets are okay otherwise lakes, rivers, continents, towns, mountains, states all work). The person who starts may state any place for example: "Delaware", the next person uses the last letter of that place to come up with the next place.  In this example it would be 'E'.  For 'E' I have to think but it could be Epping, Ethopia, Exeter, Earth. Say Earth is used the next place would need to begin with 'H'. Hawaii, Hooksett, Hampton, Hanover.... If Hooksett is the choice then the next letter, for the next place would be would begin with the letter T.  So Tilton, Texas, or Toledo could be options.  I think you get the idea. Careful on those places that begin  and end with A.  You will need a repetoire of A places.   We have had a lot of fun with this game and find it pushes our brains to remember where we have been and remind us of places we want to go! 

Video games good? or bad?

Angry Birds, Pokemon, Tetris, wii, game cube... gaming can be a lot of fun, it has become a mainstay of modern life.  But what if gaming takes away from relating? What if gaming is part of relating? 

Gaming is, after all, part of the 21st century. But what is the take away? Are our children sensitized to violence? Do they know how to problem solve? To think independently? To relate to their peers? To be positive group participants?  My inquiring mind wants to know.  How is gaming affecting our children?

My personal belief it that some gaming is okay.  But to much of one thing is, well, too much.  I wanted my child to be well rounded so knowing the games and being able to talk with his friends about the different games and their strategies that is important. The question is - do you know what your child is playing? Do you watch or have them explain the game?  Explaining the game can be very important - it gets back to relating and communicating.  Can your child take the time to share with you what the game is about or even include and teach you how to play the game?  Are you mindful of the games your child is playing and are they developmentally and age appropriate? 

So are video games good or bad?  Neither and both. One resent study linked video violence as one of the six factors that build a bully.  By it self video violence is not the cause of bullying. But it is an interesting study check out the link below.

http://www.news.iastate.edu/news/2012/07/09/bullying

Video games are part of our culture.  How often one plays and the content is the key to your child's growth and knowledge.  How much video/electronics do you want your child to have? 

If you give a kid a map...

One of my favorite things to do when my son was young was to give him the map.  It started in a museum, the Currier Museum of Art in Manchester, NH to be precise.  The Currier gave out a scavenger hunt of pictures for the kids.  The map consisted of a detail from paintings or sculptures through out the museum.  The kids were delighted to be looking for something and the adults had an opportunity to follow and look at the whole museum. A win-win!

So look for the tourist map, campus map, museum map and give it to your child and ask: “what do you want to see?” or "where should we start?" With the follow up question: “Great! how are we going to get there?”  My son became very good at reading maps, and figuring out ways to get to the sights.  To this day he is now my ‘go to’ guy in directions. He surpassed me when he “owned” the subway system in New York City.  He got it, he get’s it and I am so lucky to have someone to rely on when visiting.

Maps are fun they can take a little time to figure out, read, and follow. This is a great opportunity to explain the grid of numbers and letters to your child, it has real meaning when you are walking and exploring.  When you are on vacation a map is a scavenger hunt looking for the fun sights, museums, restaurants, or even the closest restroom.  This is not just fun, reading maps feeds into higher thinking and problem solving skills. All natural, non-contrived, fun manner. Let the adventure begin! Below is my favorite city tourist map, and a picture of  one of our favorite finds.

The Seattle Tourist Map

The bridge.

The troll under the bridge.

The Public Market. 

The beautiful ferry system, a must do!

Curiosity

Are you curious? Do you ask questions? Questions about what people are doing, what they are thinking, and what they like? Do you ask questions of your dentist or doctor? Do you wonder what is in your food or where it came from? I hope so!

Curiosity is what drives our brain, our thoughts, our ideas, and our creativity. When we stop being curious, we lose some things.  We lose the ability to be creative, to relate, to explore, and to expand and enrich our own lives.  

For example, great chefs are creative by pairing different flavors and ingredients to create something new. Now, I am sure not all of the pairings have made it big. I can remember one ice cream store in Florida that sold dill pickle ice cream. It's not what I would choose, and I haven’t seen it in the freezer section of the grocery store, but someone tried something new. Maybe it is a local favorite - who knows?  What about chocolate with red peppers? Lindt Chocolate has a popular bar with spicy peppers.   My point is: someone asked themselves; "I wonder if this would work?" They tried it, experimented, and voilá! Innovation is driven by curiosity. 

How do we teach curiosity? Maybe the question is: how do we inspire curiosity? Modeling is a good way. Modeling is a way of teaching by demonstrating with your own actions. We can start with our children by asking them questions (we get to be curious about them and how their brains think). This can be really fun! Young children have interesting perspectives and great insights. By displaying your curiosity in them, you allow them to formulate responses and to think about what they think.

We want our children to be curious, to explore and imagine. Here are some examples of good leading questions for children:

• How do you think that got there? 
• Where did that idea come from,
• What would you do? How would you do it?
• Do all ______ work (or think/act/feel, etc.) that way? 

The sky’s the limit. Questions are fun, but the answers you get are even better!  The best part is that you can ask questions anywhere - in the car, at the grocery store, waiting at a restaurant. It's habit for most of us to pull out our cell phone and check email or send a quick text, but why not relate to your kids, rather than your smart phone? It is very rewarding!