Will we ever see spring?

We have had one great, white, Winter.  About now it would be nice to see the ground.  That may be a while.  There is still 2 and a half feet of snow in my yard, and that does not count the piles from shoveling and snow blowing. Whew!  So what to do?  Get out and PLAY!  I have been on countless snow shoe adventures through my neighborhood.  There are lots of wonderful places to explore that would be near impossible without the cover of snow.   Think of those wonderful NH marshes - can't walk through them unless there is snow.

But if you really want to get your mind off of snow this weekend Check out Parenting NH summer camp and program expo in Nashua, NH. http://www.parentingnh.com/Calendar/index.php/name/Parenting-New-Hampshires-Summer-Camp-Program-Expo/event/9550/

What makes for a ‘Good Life’ ?

When I was working with a group of parents of autistic children,  I asked them; What makes for a good life?  In small groups we discussed and brainstormed at least 12  components to a good life.  Some of the answers: friends, family, income, job we like, time, medical insurance, hobbies, safe water, chocolate, healthy environment (think skiing, hiking, kayaking, sailing, we need the places to do those things). As we brainstormed we found that there were many aspects that make “a good life”.  There is value to so many little incidental things in our life. We don’t think about our health, if we have good health. We don’t think about shelter, if we have shelter. We don’t think about safety if we are not running from a country where one’s life is at stake. We will all have challenges through out our lives, those challenges may change our thoughts or our list of what makes for a good life.   But the main take away is that we all want a good life, if you notice the list doesn't state a 60’ television, a large house, debt, poor health, video games, or straight "A's".  First on everyone’s list was family, friends, and health.  What do you think your children would say?  If you have older children ask them; "what makes for a good life."  Build your family and family values, instill curiosity, promote learning, and, very importantly, have fun! 

A Lovely Sunny Day

There is no better reason to get out and play - Bert and Levi sing about the wonderful non-screen fun to be had on a lovely sunny day.

 "I don't miss my little screen... You should really take a walk on this lovely sunny day..."

TAKE A WALK and RECONNECT

What is success?

When one thinks about that question it is  easy to realize it is difficult  to answer.  Is success, having a fancy car, an expensive vacation,  a good grade, landing a ski jump, having friends, getting into a top tier college, getting a good job, working in a group of dynamic individuals....the list could go on.  So the question is:  what do you consider success?

As a school counselor, success is when a child has an ahh-ha moment, has fun with Social Detective, and/or really connects to SuperFlex, or on a personal note - when I write a Blog post, having friends over for a meal, going on a daily walk, getting my taxes done, connecting with an old friend, finishing a project.... Success can be counted in so many ways.

What is success for our children?  This is a tricky question.  I wanted my son to be successful in school.  What the heck does that mean?  For me it meant that he enjoyed learning, because if he enjoyed learning he would do well. He would be successful if he was curious, because curiosity always leads people on adventures.  I hoped for meaningful friendships because having good friends would mean that he had good communication skills and would be able to work collaboratively in groups, and of course I hoped he would have good grades and go to a good college.

Success means many different things at different times, how do we get there?  By encouraging, modeling, and talking about those things that are important.

What is the commodity of love?

TIME!

Keep in mind what is important to you, your family, and your community.
Give the gift of time, give it today, tomorrow, tonight at bedtime, at dinner time, and the all important travel time (time in the car).  Put away the electronics,  take out the games, read a chapter book you will all enjoy, talk at the dinner table, do chores together, or just talk.  Be present to your child and yourself.  Your children are a gift to you - enjoy them!

Social Skills, more than you thought.

Social skills: please and thank you?

It really is much more than that. Social skills, are in my mind, the ability to share space with one another, communicate, share, express, create, and yes work together.  We have communication skills that allow us to use our words to express ideas and thoughts. We use our eyes to interpret the person we are talking to (facial expressions, body language, tone of voice), and to interpret the context of the situation.  In short Social Skills are a great big package of integrated input and feedback from the people and places we are at.

Bottom Line?

Social Skills and social interactions are a part of everyday life!  AND they are a very important part of school life, work life, and the communities in which we live.   This video very aptly portrays the importance of social skills and a social life.

Are you socially competent?

What is social competency?  Well it is the ability to understand, act, and respond to our very complex social world.  Now I know you are saying "complex social world?" We just have to speak to each other, what's the big deal?  Social communication is complex.  It comprises body language, words, and tone of voice (the basics). In addition it includes context and culture. Stir in some emotions and viola you have a complex social interaction. Social interactions are dynamic and ever changing, the more practice a child gets when younger the better.  Everything you do and say become part of your child's social abilities or competencies.

When your child is in school there are social interactions happening all the time, from the bus driver, lunch ladies, office staff, the student body, and their teacher(s) they are in constant communication! They learn to be respectful, to say please and thank you, look at people when they speak, and to take turns speaking. They are learning the very basics of social interaction.  To give you an example how complex it is think of what goes into a conversation:

1.  Joint Attention  usually eye contact and whole body listening (shoulders, hands, feet, facing the other person(s).

2. Greeting (age appropriate)

3. Small talk (no special interest – short couple of statements)

4. Initiate the topic (plus pause so others can respond)

5. Respond (turn taking) (4-5 times before topic change)

6.Topic Management

7. End conversation

This is just the minor mechanics of conversation it doesn't mention the social component of picking up on the emotional and social cues of what the other person is thinking or feeling.  Are our kids are picking up on those cues and practicing conversations?

So how do we teach our kids social competency in this fast moving, electronics driven world?  We talk to them, create conversations about what they are learning, instill curiosity about people and  the world around us, and help our kids have a strong emotions vocabulary.